Crazy Confession: The Moment I Watched K-Drama And Went On Singing Paul Anka's "Diana" All Over Again Back In College

I wasn't that big into K-Drama. I didn't immediately watch Autumn in My Heart no matter how pretty I found Song Hye Kyo was. Then there was one time I started to watch K-Drama in college for the sake of a stupid crush - it was Kim Tae Hee. I could remember watching Forbidden Love on ABS-CBN, and IRIS, Stairway to Heaven (where she was the evil stepsister), and Love Story in Harvard in GMA-7, and I had this obsession going for her but it wasn't vocal about it. I was usually after younger women and older women weren't my type. However, she was a weird case of fanboyism going too far for me.

I would like to remember the precise moments when I fell for her. I would probably be 20 to 21 years old when the shows came. I could remember how I often stayed up late to watch the shows where she was involved - only skipping them because of (1) exams, and (2) I had to get up early because school was tomorrow. I remembered how I would actually save up money for a bootleg DVD of any of her shows. What was worse was that deep inside - I ACTUALLY WANTED TO MARRY HER at one point in my college life! I really didn't keep in my mind too many times that SHE WAS A GIRL THAT I WILL NEVER HAVE!

It had me thinking about how I actually wanted to sing Paul Anka's "Diana" all over at that time. It was a secret obsession though people could sometimes see through that crazy desire over a girl I'll never have. I really couldn't stop thinking (or even talking) about how pretty I found her. Deep inside my head - I watched any K-Drama with her IN IT and kept exclaiming, "Wow! She's really that pretty!". Tae Hee was five years older than I am. The story of the song "Diana" also was focused on Anka's infatuation with a certain Diana Ayoub who was five years older than he is. 

At that time, I was also a fan of Star Wars (before Disney bought it) and the tragic love story of Anakin and Padme fell into place. Padme was five years older than Anakin. The statement Anakin made in Attack of the Clones calling Padme "intoxicating" reminds me of how intoxicating the beauty of Tae Hee really is. I really couldn't focus on the plot of the show because I was too focused on Tae Hee's pretty face (that I didn't notice she's FLAT) more than the good plot she's in. In my mind, I was Anakin and Tae Hee was Padme. I even dreamed of Palpatine appealing to my desire for Tae Hee. Boy, that was spiraling out of control.

In my mind, I really could remember how I had weird dreams about her. One of these many dreams was even marrying her and having children with her. The lyrics of the song "Diana" made me wish Tae Hee actually held me closer and held me tight. It was so funny how the song replayed in my head way too many times. It was an infatuation that I tried to hide but couldn't. I mean, the fact that I kept talking about how pretty Tae Hee is than how good Love Story in Harvard is was already an indication that I freaking wanted to marry her! 

I just thought that a "perfect" song to sing when she and Rain started dating (and eventually got married) is Anka's "Remember Diana". No, I didn't write a song about Tae Hee at all! I wanted to sing the song (for fun) rather than out of sorrow. I wanted to pretend that Rain was that "another lover" and Tae Hee was Diana. Though I didn't cry at all thinking about it. Rather, it was just a crazy crush that I felt was just there to be there. Like any K-Drama crush - it was just a weird phase!